Dear tax official,
Enclosed please find my revisions to last year’s returns
I’ve scrupulously documented every cent I earned
And I added in that decimal in paragraph B
Of page 79 on form W3
I hope you’ll go easy on me

Dear tax official,
Enclosed please find the requested addendum to my revisions
I have used nothing but the utmost of precision
In providing you the proof I never bought a canoe
Between 1995-2002
Oh tax official, I’m counting on you

Dear tax official,
Enclosed please find the requested corrections to my addendum
If there’s anyone nicer up there, feel free to recommend ‘em
But I’m sending off the necessary five different forms
To track the money that I didn’t make before I was born
Am I at least getting warm?

Dear tax official,
Enclosed please find the requested revisions to my corrections
This time I’m positive they’ll pass your most rigorous inspection
‘Cause I quit my job in pursuit of this task
Signed everything in blood even though you didn’t ask
And as I noticed that your offices are just down the street
I guess I’ll visit you in person to confirm your receipt…

Dear tax official,
I hereby apologize for yesterday’s events
Our confrontation got just a little bit too intense
And we both said some stuff we’d like to take back
Like when I snapped and called you a faceless bureaucrat
And you literally peeled off your face
To reveal a void from which no light or warmth could escape

And for the first time in life, I truly grasped my position
As a hack writer and part-time musician in an infinitely indifferent existence
I got down on my knees and I begged for assistance
And my skull still echoes with your inhuman laughter
As you said, “That’s what happens when you don’t hire a Steuerberater”

Dear tax official,
I regret to inform you I must end our correspondence
They’re taking my pens away along with all the other pointy objects
And they tell me I’m a ward of the state
Yes, I appreciate the irony of my fate
My debt to you grows greater and greater each day

Enough about me, what about you, your life, your problems?
Do you have children, hellspawn, whatever it is you call them?
And despite our differences I wish you good cheer
And productivity in the new year
Signing off now ‘cause the nurses are here
But in conclusion,


from This was Inevitable, released October 18, 2019


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