That Dude

from Leaky Canoe by Phoebe Kreutz



Oliver Baer is a very nice neighbor
I see him on my street.
A typical guy with a homemade light saber
Like any other guy you'd meet.

Oliver Baer's always nice to my mother
He's chatty and polite
From his friendly hello
No one ever would know 
What's lurking on his website

Oh but
That Dude is into some really weird shit
That Dude is into some really weird shit
That Dude is into some shit that's a surprise.
That Dude is into some really weird shit
Nothing illegal per se about it 
But now that you've seen it, it's hard to meet his eyes

Oliver Baer's written many a poem
And he'll send you the link.
Now you know things, you can never un-know 'em
And you don't know what to think

That dude is into some tentacle porn
He even writes his own tentacle porn
He also seems critical of tentacle porn- It's all there in his zine.
That is a dude who will write about loins,
Blood and decay seeping out of some groins
I'll wait right here while you check out what I mean

When I was young, my block was a freak show
We had junkies, punks and queens with purple hair.
Where'd they all go?
Now everyone's a bro.
Everyone- except for Oliver Baer.

Oliver Baer is keeping it real
It takes a lot of nerve
to write what you want and to say what you feel
And tell the world, "Hey, I'm a perv!"

Oh, that dude is into some really weird shit
He is creating some really weird shit
And people who make weird shit are the people for me.
And I may not be into tentacle porn-
Especially not after my baby was born-
But I want to live where Oliver Baer feels free to be into some really weird shit


from Leaky Canoe, released February 12, 2021


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