Like a tornado
A tornado made of sharks
Like an avalanche
An avalanche made of bears
Like a tsunami
Filled with electric eels
Like a volcano
Of flesh-eating microbacteria

Things might suck right now
But rest assured
Someday they’re gonna suck a whole lot more
You’re never safe, at sea or on dry land
Sharknado will get you in the end

You’ve got pneumonia
As a side effect of cancer
And your dog got run over
Because your dad was driving drunk
All your money was stolen
By your fiancé who’s leaving you
And your company fired you
Because no one buys shark repellent spray anymore

Can’t say you didn’t warn them…

I turn my phone off
When my mother calls at 3am
When I read the paper
I always start in back
I lock the windows
Of my fourth-floor apartment
And I never leave home
Without clearing my internet history


from This was Inevitable, released October 18, 2019


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